Help! I am trying to be the best parent I can be, and my kid is still struggling with big behaviors.

You are not alone!

Ages 3-5 years, aka ‘the wonder years’, can be just that… wonderful. Your child is developing into their own little self, full of interests, questions, and new ways of relating. And all of that change can bring struggles: tantrums, clinging behavior, and opinions and preferences changing rapidly. Add to that, the impact of the pandemic on child development, and more and more parents of young children are seeking support as they try to keep healthy, loving relationships with kids struggling to express themselves, enjoy school and play, and navigate transitions, changes and challenges. There are many parenting resources available in the world, but it can be hard to find the right fit for your family and values, or to adapt skills for your particular child. Parenting is not one-size-fits all. Therapy can help.

Don’t all kids go through a “threenager” stage?

Ever been at the grocery store and a well intentioned person smiles at your crying child and says “Oh, just wait, the worst is yet to come…” or “brace yourself for [insert age here]”? Meanwhile, your brain is taking you through all the comments your caregivers ever made about you as a child, and all the parenting hacks that are just not working, and you feel stuck. You don’t want to be a doormat or pushover parent, but you also don’t want to be fighting so hard with timeouts, yelling, and sticker charts that feel like bribes.

I’m here to tell you that not every kid needs to become a threenager, or a freaking four, or frightful five. It is possible to have a loving, joyful, and playful relationship with your child as they learn to do the tricky parts of being human: talking about feelings, relating to others, and facing hard stuff with confidence. You can have fun with your kid, cultivate trust, and create the foundation for a life-long positive relationship. Because, yeah, how you parent a 3 year old directly impacts the kind of experience you and your child are going to have when they are 16 years old.

Why is therapy critical for little ones and their parents?

Short answer: the little nagging voice in the back of your head that pops up when you are struggling, saying ‘you’re not good enough’, ‘your feelings aren’t important,’ or even ‘your body isn’t the right kind of body,’ comes directly from the things your caregivers told you, or implied, when you were ages 0-5. When you take steps to support your little one in problem solving, self-acceptance, and communicating with confidence, you are giving them a positive internal voice that will be with them for the rest of their life.

Kids can learn and are adaptable. Let’s say your parenting is completely on-point and you are showing up with warmth, love and understanding, but times have been hard in your family and your kid is feeling it. Therapy can help parents and children come together to learn new ways to talk about challenges so that the strong relationship you have already cultivated can continue to support you through the rocky times ahead.

What does therapy for really young children look like?

Play is the language of children. Therapy for ages 3-5 is play and family-based. Every child plays differently, and we can learn a lot about their needs and how they see the world by giving them space to play. This means that in therapy, we might read books together, make arts and crafts, play imagination games, or revisit past experiences through play. You and I will model being trustworthy, compassionate adults, and we will set the treatment goals. Your child will choose the format of how we work towards these goals during family sessions. I operate from the belief that your child is a good child, you are a good parent, and all behaviors are about connection. Therapy is a space without shame or blame.

To start therapy, we’ll conduct an intake meeting with just the adults. You’ll provide as much information as you can about your child’s development and experiences. We’ll identify other appropriate adults to collect information from, like medical providers, your child’s teachers, or other caregivers. Sessions will be a combination of parent-therapist consultation meetings and family therapy sessions. It’s important for parents to be as involved as children in therapy because 1) kids can’t remember all this stuff on their own and 2) for the child to change, the relationships around them must change, and only adults are powerful, kind, and wise enough to make that happen.

My kid’s so young, they’ll forget what happened. Why would I need trauma treatment for a preschooler?

Not every kid experiences trauma, but for those that do, the intensity of life challenges can be magnified. Early childhood trauma impacts our nervous system and development significantly. While common ideas prevail that kids are ‘resilient’ and they’ll ‘forget about it if we just move on,’ these ideas are not only untrue, they are harmful. Left unaddressed, early childhood trauma can cause significant negative health outcomes later in life, including early death, (link to ACES study) and can negatively impact future relationships. For more information on how this can play out, take a look at this helpful video.

I have been providing trauma-informed therapy for little ones and their parents for my entire career. I was fortunate to spend a large portion of my early career working at Mi Escuelita, a therapeutic preschool for children and families who have experienced trauma (including big life transitions, deaths of loved ones, abuse, and family violence). Trauma treatment is not only possible for little ones, it is a good idea. We can use play, art, books and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to support your child in making sense of big, scary, and confusing events. We will work together to get to a point where kids turn to their caregivers for support and no longer bottle up the tension they have been holding. Post-traumatic growth is not only possible for preschoolers, it is a beautiful process.

Start children’s therapy in Pennsylvania today.

Let’s work together to help you and your child build a healthy, loving, and fun connection so that you can support your child’s growth without constant battles. Parents don’t need to choose between loving on their kids and guiding their behavior change. Children can learn to connect and explore the world around them with confidence. When this happens, kids and parents build relationships that withstand the ups and downs of childhood and beyond.